This is exhausting.

Remember just a week ago when I was all hopped up on motivation, marathon jackets and munchkins? Yeah, that’s gone now. Buried under feet and feet of snow to be more accurate. This (to quote my favorite singer and all-time girl crush) – this is exhausting.

It’s been almost a month of snow storm after snow storm. In between storms there’s deep freezes. Cross training has become shoveling snow to banks that loom far over my head. There are barely street to drive on, let alone sidewalks to run on. And in between the shoveling, pushing my little Corolla out of snow ditches, and commutes that have nearly tripled in time, I still have to figure out how to train for a marathon.

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Can you find the street sign?

I want to quickly throw in a disclaimer that I know there that there are problems MUCH bigger problems in the city of Boston than not being able to run right now. People can’t get to work, roofs are caving in every hour, and businesses are losing money. But this is my little space to vent, and this is my challenge right now. Training for Boston isn’t just something that can wait until the snow melts.

My “F this S” moment came late Saturday afternoon, in the middle of a snowy cemetery. This was now my second long run that had become a chaotic “just try and get the miles in before the blizzard hits”. I had spent the last 11 miles trudging through snow banks, out of breath from running up Heartbreak Hill and from the wind blowing another storm in. I was cold and achy and – OVER IT. I absolutely love running – until I want to stop. And then I absolutely hate it.

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I got to meet Johnny. He’s thinking warm thoughts.

I’m now three weeks “behind” in mileage. I wake up in the middle of the night frantically checking the weather to see if there’s been any updates to the weekend forecast. I haven’t run in my neighborhood in almost a month. I’ve spent more hours on the treadmill than I ever thought I would in my life. I knew training for a marathon was going to be hard. I knew that training for a marathon in the winter was going to be hard. I knew that training for the Boston Marathon was going to be hard. But sometimes this all just feels damn near impossible.

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So thankful for running buddies.

It was standing there in that cemetery that every fear I’ve been holding in came oozing out of my brain, and then out of my mouth. “What if my body just isn’t made to handle 26 miles? What if – what if I just can’t do this?” The fears have been circling in my brain long before training began but I don’t dare say them out loud. I’m the one that wanted this, I’m the one who declared “I WILL do this!” I shouldn’t be allowed to be standing among snow covered graves questioning my ability in the middle of February. I signed up for this shit, all on my own free will. But yet there I stood, wanting to be anywhere but there.

I keep telling myself that eventually the snow will eventually stop, my mental game will turn around, things will get better. But as I say this I’m stalking the weather for another storm this weekend, hoping that I get my long run in and that my fundraiser isn’t cancelled for a second time. “Spring” is just a month away, and the Marathon just a month after that. Ain’t nobody got time for this.

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About Kathleen

When your legs get tired run with your heart.

Posted on February 18, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I feel for you! This weather is for the birds. I’ve managed to run outside once in the last month – 2 days before the first big storm I was proud of myself for getting in 7 miles in slush and ice, and since then only 1 small run outside and a few awful runs on the treadmill. I tweeked my knee wading through hip deep snow multiple weeks in a row and was so close to wondering if I needed to go to the doctor to have it looked at. I was signed up for 2 different races this weekend, both of which have been cancelled for narrow streets. My friend was supposed to run a 1/2 this weekend as training for a full in early May, which was postponed to mid-March when she’ll need a lot longer runs than 13.1. Before January 25th I was still so high on running, that this was the winter I was going to run the whole season. This has just royally sucked!!

    But you can do it. You’ve got 2 months and 2 days. You can pull off amazing things in that amount of time!

  2. Ugh. I’m dealing with this and that in my own training, but I can’t blame the weather. I understand the fear of not being able to go 26.2 – even though I’ve done it before! I know I’ll be able, but I also know I won’t be anywhere near PR territory. Just trying to focus on the race being a reward for the races when I did have my act together and a springboard into a kick-ass fall season…

    Keep on plugging away. The nice thing about a first marathon (at least for me), is I didn’t put too much pressure on myself to be fast. I just wanted to get it done and enjoy the experience. I hope you will enjoy the race and think of it as your reward for the struggles you are going through now.

  3. I’m with you! It’s not NEARLY as bad here in Virginia as it is for you, bit I am still SO over winter! I want to run outside, damn it!!
    You may have chosen the worst winter ever to train for a marathon, but I guess that should make the accomplishment that much more satisfying? Regardless, you get extra bad-ass credit 🙂
    Hope the weather improves soon!

  4. My motivation is under that snow somewhere, too. You can totally do 26.2 miles, and Mother Nature can totally make spring happen. For both, patience is key 🙂

  5. I hear you. though it’s not as snowy here in NY, the cold really bums me out so I’ve been taking a lot of my runs indoors on the treadmill. But I agree, this year the medal will be worth so much more because we’re enduring such a hellish training season! Stay strong – it will melt soon (i hope!)

    xoxo

  6. I had this moment yesterday. My charity team long run was cancelled for the second week in a row, and I was hell bent on not doing 17 miles on the god damn treadmill… so I ran loops around my college. About 11 miles in it started snowing, and I was just not. feeling. it. Had to stop and have a reality check… ended up finishing the other 6 miles on the track. This weather is killer. The first few months “I’ll make it to race day!!!” did the trick, but race day just seems so far away at this point…

    • I have to say, it feels good to know I’m not alone in this feeling. Misery loves company, but I think at this point all we want is some sunshine and melting 🙂

  7. You will weather the storm… I know, I’m so bad. You are awesome and you will prevail and spring will come sometime.

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