This week kicks off the official start of marathon training. So far I’ve run 3 miles and had a rest day, so I can’t say anything has been anything drastically different. There is however an excitement in the air which I’m hoping sticks around as long as possible.
Besides marathon training there was another note on the calendar for this week- I was supposed to reach my goal weight.
Say what again?
Yes you heard me. My goal weight.
Obviously things this fall got a little… chaotic. I got married. I took a break from training. I went to Hawaii for two weeks. I got a little careless. Actually to be quite honest I know I started getting careless over the summer, but I was chasing it with exercise which for the most part covered up my imperfections. And that is not a good habit, nor is it a healthy one.
It’s only a few pounds, but enough that matter to me. And from what I’ve been told and what I’ve been reading, marathon training is often accompanied by weight gain. I can’t imagine anything wore than achieving this crazy accomplishment and hating my body when I should be celebrating it.
It was shortly before we left for Hawaii that I acknowledged the slide and made a goal to be back at what I consider my “ideal” weight for Boston training. And so I started my 17 hour journey over the Pacific with the intention to be mindful. And I was for a few days. But eventually the Mai Tai’s and shaved ice got the best of me and I stopped worrying about it. I could start fresh when I got home. This would be easy.
And then it wasn’t easy. Things are different than they were two and a half years ago. I’m an active person. Back then my body was shocked that I was sweating from something other than walking to the train after work. These days my body thinks I can run 3 miles in my sleep. The first time around I was just trying to lose weight, now I’m trying to do it while training my body to run 26.2 miles. It’s both awesome and frustrating at the very same time. And the hardest part of it all? Admitting it. Putting this, and myself, out there is the worst part of it all because it feels like failure. I feel like I’ve learned nothing in the last two and a half years. I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to stand here and say “Look at me, look at what I’ve overcome!” when clearly there’s still so much work to be done. It’s just one more reminder that this journey never ends, it just changes direction.